All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
