your parents love me but you hate me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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