Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
