After last night, I could never be a politician.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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