he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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