jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
