Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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