what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Randomize
