i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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