you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He passed out mid-signature
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
