we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
