I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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