It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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