no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
