she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
