So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
