is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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