So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
