He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
