..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
