Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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