Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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