You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
