I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
