I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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