Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
