No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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