im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
