I CAN MOONWALK!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize