Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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