every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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