Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
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