Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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