I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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