Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
