found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize