my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
