anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
