i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
