quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
