Don't make out with my wife yet
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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