She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
