Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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