Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
