I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
a search helicopter?!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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