Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
