im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
