Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
whose ass print is on the piano?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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