Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
