i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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