planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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