She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
