Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
