do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
