is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
