YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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