Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
