you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
