The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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