I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
