I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
