I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i have herpe
just one?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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