I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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