I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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