dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
