Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
