It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
