um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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