She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
