I wannas sexs uuuuu
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
