i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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