My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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