he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize