i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize