Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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