There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
