He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
