proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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