I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
