Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize