i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this will be a night to untag.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
