I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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