it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
