I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my being single is dangerous.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
