That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
