We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
