At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
