there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
