Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize