the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think my moral compass just broke
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