I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
