The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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